My Grandchildren

I arrived in Virginia on Thursday to visit my daughter and her family. She has five children and I had never met her baby boy, John. He will be one year old next Saturday and I get to celebrate with him.
He is a cutie. A plump, blonde, blue-eyed baby so happy all the time. He is a quiet baby and content with his place in the family.
I am lucky to be able to visit with another of my four daughters who is presently visiting and helping my oldest daughter. Betsy had to have some corrective surgery on her shoulder and of course, needed some help. My newly pregnant daughter, Mandy, flew out in June from Idaho with her two year old to help Betsy out.
I am becoming reacquainted with my grandchildren. I have been out of their lives for years now. It isn’t easy walking back in when you know you have a limited time to spend with them. My oldest grandson, J.J. is going to be 16 this year. Time has gone so quickly.
I have always loved my children and grandchildren dearly. I want to say I was and am a good mother but as most mothers know, we never feel as if we have done all we could for them. I want to be the grandmother that has an understanding of their feelings and pains. But I don’t. I don’t even know if I would have had if I had spent the kind of time I would have liked to have.
I have had my own demons to confront. Or in my head I did. I didn’t handle my divorces well. I didn’t handle my child with ADHD correctly. I cheated my other children by giving my attentions in the wrong place. And I feel as if I am doing it again with the grandchildren.
My children and their families are all building their own lives. I get a glimpse occasionally but don’t have any idea what goes on in their everyday lives. I can imagine, but when I look into my grandchildren’s eyes, I realize I have missed so much. TOO much.
But I have a chance to be with some of them today. I get to visit some of the others occasionally and I am thankful for that. My two sons James and David are eight hours away from where I live.  I visit my son and his family several times a year.  And my two other daughters Kari and Becca live in San Diego where I live. One granddaughter is less than a mile away.  I don’t see her enough but I can just stop by. I love my time with her.
I was hoping to meet in person my five year old grandson I haven’t had to pleasure to meet yet. He lives a few hours away from where I am and his mother can’t bring him here while I am here.
I am so lucky as I said before. I have eleven wonderful, beautiful and healthy grandchildren. I am having another one in January. I will cherish this time with the ones here and hope that the bond will strengthen between us so that they will know how much they mean to me.

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